MAGA? GAGA!

“Conservative Punk” = Oxymoron

Find me on the back of this Nihlistics release that featured my guitar playing on 5 tracks. Go ahead: I’ll wait.

Last Wednesday I met Tony “Autoharp” Arena at a cafe in Chelsea to return his Nihilistics interview cassette I digitized and transcribed. Tony surprised me with a cassette of his group Pepper Kings. They open tonight in Brooklyn for Nihilistics at the Pogofest and I was asked if I’d be going.

“Nah. I don’t exactly feel welcome.”

Why is that?

“It’s Troy. As far as I can tell, he’s MAGA. I said something on his Facebook page before the last election. He posted something about Trump and I commented negatively. He didn’t like that.”

Tony was a bit perplexed.

Weren’t you guys doing songs about Reagan and the working class?! How could he be MAGA?

“It’s not just him. Ron, too. Maybe it’s a Long Island thing. One of the reasons I couldn’t wait to get off of the island. And, yeah, we did Welfare For The Rich with that line about Reagan. EVERYBODY bitched about Reagan. But if you look at the lyrics of Working Class you can kinda see where Mike was headed. If he was still around I think he’d be MAGA, too. There’s a lot of punk rockers who went over to the dark side.”

Yeah. Johnny Ramone…

“It always amazes me when you realize some of these people are conservatives. It seems so against the whole approach back then. But the worst part? Until I transcribed the interview you did I’d forgotten IT WAS ME WHO BROUGHT TROY INTO THE BAND! I thought it was Mike or Ron. Turns out it was me. And now he says I’ll never be in the band again.”

Wow.

“Yeah, I got it in my head awhile back that it might be fun to play with them again…”

You know Brian (AKA Ajax, who replaced me on guitar) is a good friend of mine...

“I have nothing against Ajax. He’s always been nice to me. Friendly. I hung out with him down in Hazlet not long ago, when they did a show down there.”

Did you ever get back together with them after you left?

“Yeah. Back in 1989. Someone reached out to me. I don’t remember if it was Mike or Ron. But they wanted to do another album and we got together for rehearsals and a recording session at Ajax’s place. It didn’t end well.”

What happened?

“It was Paul Bearer who reminded me. You forget so much shit. That’s why I’m doing this. Interviewing people, excavating the past. According to Paul, we were recording and Mike, per usual, was slamming down beers. It was getting late and I must’ve said something about needing to go. Mike was like ‘Where ya gotta go, back to New Jersey to fuck a chick or something? You still trying to get laid?’ Something like that. Busting my balls. Paul says I grabbed my guitar and said ‘Fuck this, I’m leaving.’ And that was pretty much it. Didn’t see Mike again until that Thanksgiving night he tried to choke me to death.”

Holy shit! What?!

“It’s a whole long story. Basically, I think he was pissed at me for leaving all those years earlier. He got Ron and I got out. Maybe Mike realized he’d picked the wrong horse. He’d call me drunk, leave long rambling messages on my answering machine. Lots of times he’d be blaming Ron for what happened. I never knew if those two were talking or not. I think Mike missed me. Before he threw his lot in with Ron we worked well together. I resisted seeing him for a long time. Then I was home in Lindenhurst for Thanksgiving and must’ve been overcome with nostalgia or some shit. I went over to Mike’s and it didn’t go well.”

What happened?

“He wasn’t even there when I arrived. His wife, Jeanine–who I hadn’t met–asks me to drive her to the supermarket–I had a borrowed station wagon at the time–for some ‘Got-tuhs’. I’m like ‘What’s that?’ and she says ‘Things you GOT TO have.’ So I drive her and end up sitting in the parking lot for over an hour while she does her grocery shopping for, like two weeks or something. It was the weirdest thing. She came out with a ton of groceries. By the time we get back to the house, Mike’s there. And I was shocked by his appearance. He’d put on a bunch of weight, was pretty much bald.”

Was he happy to see you?

“I don’t know. I guess. He started drinking beer right away. Showed me his toddler daughter. Picked her up out of her crib by the back of her jumper. Held her in front of us, like dangling. While he’s blowing cigarette smoke in her face. ‘Meet my daughter!’ It was fucking bizarre.”

How does he end up choking you?

“We were in the living room. Mike’s on this couch, I’m on a loveseat. That movie Maniac is looping on their projection TV. Remember those things? Mike had a huge one. And he loved Maniac. Their house was still decorated for Halloween. His favorite holiday. So it was creepy. I remember Jeanine was at the kitchen sink, her back to us. And Mike leans over and says ‘Do you mind if I choke you?’ Just like that. I thought he was joking. ‘C’mon, Mike. Knock it off.’ Next thing I know, he gets up, sticks his knee in my chest, drives me back into the loveseat and clamps his hands around my throat.”

Jesus! What did you do?

“I tried getting him off of me but he was pressing on me with all his weight. I couldn’t get his hands off of my throat. I couldn’t speak. I was beginning to black out. Then Jeanine turns around to ask us about dessert or something and sees what’s happening. She runs over, grabs Mike by his shirt, starts yelling ‘Mike! Mike!’ and pulling him off of me. She kinda broke the spell.”

Holy shit. Did Mike say anything after this?

“Oh yeah. I’ll never forget it. He buried his head in his hands and said ‘You hate me now. You hate me now.’ I mean, what the fuck? Next thing I know, I’m trying to console this guy who almost murdered me. If Jeanine hadn’t been there, I think he would’ve.”

Did you get the hell out of there?!

“Well… it gets stranger. They wanted me to stay. Jeanine said something about making pancakes in the morning. They actually thought I was going to sleep over after what had just happened. I begged off. I lied, said I didn’t have a key to my mother’s house and needed to be home before she locked the doors. They looked all disappointed, like it was no big deal. I got in my car and took the fuck off. I think I was back at my mother’s house in minutes.”

Fuck.

“Hey, do you want any coffee or anything?”

Nah. I’m good. So that stuff you recorded with them in 1989… did it ever come out?

“Yeah. But they never told me. And, of course, they never paid me. It wasn’t until years later when I heard it for myself. I was like ‘That’s MY guitar playing!’ I don’t remember which record.  Fuck The Human Race? Or maybe Bad… Dirty… Hate? One of those.”

They didn’t tell you they used your playing?!

“No. Ajax eventually explained what happened. After I stormed out of the session, Mike said ‘I want you to redo all his guitar tracks.’ And Ajax started to. But Mike got bored with how long it was taking and said ‘Fuck it. Just use what you have.’ And they did. BUT TELL ME ABOUT IT. But why should they start dealing with me honestly? They’re still finding record companies to distribute stuff I played on, contributed to. Digital versions, physical versions. I never see a cent. Maybe they don’t sell any, who knows? But I’ve asked for an honest accounting and never get it. The only money I’ve seen in all these years is when some Nihilistics songs were used in a movie a few years ago.”

What movie?

“I think it was called North Hollywood. About a kid who wants to be a skateboarder. They used five Nihilistics songs. Ron called me out of the blue, said he was sending a check. I was shocked. But it was nice to have the money.”

This is a pretty typical story. Lots of bands end up this way.

“Who knew all these years later they’d still be at it? I mean… I never suspected Ron would keep it alive all this time. I don’t know whether to be grateful or horrified. But have a good time Friday. I wish I could be there… but, you know, Troy.”

Yeah, man. Sorry you don’t feel welcome.

“Get this. We were going back and forth about me never being in the band again and I told him it was ironic because  I was the one who started and named the Nihilistics. Troy was like ‘Not true, Chris.’ Not true? OF COURSE IT’S TRUE. I was there, motherfucker. You weren’t until I brought you in. I don’t know what HE thinks happened before he showed up but it’s fake fucking news.”

WORKING CLASS – Lyrics by Mike Nicolosi, Music by Nihilistics

CHORUS:

We’re the working class

The ones they save for last

If no one ever hears your voice

Remember it was your own choice

Another week happens in the same old way

Life’s not fair when you get your pay

The taxes they take are a mortal sin

With the price of living how can we win

CHORUS

Welfare state takes what I earn

If I need help where can I turn

Rich fat cats, man, they don’t care

as long as they get their fucking share

CHORUS

Government takes all that I got

They line their pockets and still get a lot

We’re losing our place in this our land

C’mon everybody let’s take a stand

CHORUS

Wait much longer it will be too late

Second class citizen is your fate

No one cares about the working man

He’s a stranger in his very own land

CHORUS